Monday, September 26, 2011

Smaller Lines

A friend of mine has also started her weight loss journey right around the same time as mine. We don't see or talk to each other much, but when it comes to matters of weight...we totally get each other. My husband is a big man, too, but it's different for I'm thankful that she's here to understand what I'm going through like I understand what she's going through.

We have both always been big. I can remember as far back as first grade, a comment being made about my 6 year old belly. The person that said it was only trying to help me...but it started a series of negative thoughts about myself. Then when my grandparents offered to pay me to lose weight...I thought something was wrong with me. This friend of mine GETS that. She's been through it, too.

So she texts me yesterday to ask if I have a minute to talk...I reply sure and she calls me immediately. She tells me that she's having some body image issues and asks if I've had that problem. I replied no because I can't really tell a physical difference yet even though I've lost 20 pounds. We talked for a while about how and why we're doing it and how EASY it actually is. She made the comment that her son looked at her the other day and said "Momma, one of your lines is smaller." We then giggled because he was talking about a fat roll. But I so well understood what she meant.

I put on my clothes this morning and for the first time they felt a little different. Then I looked in the mirror...and for the first time in years...I had smaller lines, too.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

2 months down...

It's been over a month since I last posted. We made some changes at the shop and I am now working in the kitchen as well as managing as best I can. It's made for some tiresome days and nights, and so I've neglected my blog. Working all day paired with trying to save money and cook meals ahead of time has had me pooped, but I'm still here.

It's been 2 months to do the day since we decided it was time to make a change. 63 days. This is the longest that I've stuck with a "life change." Each day has been a struggle...some good, some easy...some terrible! There are days that not a bad thing entered my body and there was this past week when we had no fridge and ate pizza for supper.

With the ins and outs and the good and the bad, I'm 20.2 pounds down in 63 days and I'm totally ok with that.

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I weighed this morning for the first time in a month. If the first scale was correct, I've lost 10 pounds.

10. Pounds.

I know it's JUST 10 pounds...but it feels like SO much. I didn't even exercise this past month, so I'm excited to put a little more physical activity in to it and see what happens.

More than 10's 4 weeks. 4 weeks of changing my food habits. I now have new food habits. A can of cheese dip no longer sounds amazing to me. A coke now tastes like pure sure syrup as opposed to the sweet nectar of life.

More than being proud of 10 pounds...I'm proud of 4 weeks!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

3 Weeks

Yesterday marked 3 weeks of changes. I can't tell you how much weight I've lost because I just got my scale in yesterday. I had ignored the problem long enough that I had to order a scale off the internet because the ones at Wal-Mart won't weigh me. Yes, that stings a little. It also makes me feel pretty exposed...but it's no secret that I'm overweight.

So even though I don't know how much weight I've lost, I feel so much better. Yes, I've had my days that I slipped...and yes I felt bad for them. But I've overcome so much in three weeks. All the wonderfully delicious cheesy, greasy food I used to LOVE no longer even looks appetizing. I actually tried eating something this weekend that used to be a favorite of mine. Macho Nachos...home fried potato chips covered in queso, bbq sauce, and ground beef. And then usually I would get a side of feta dressing or ranch dressing to dip my chips in. I couldn't eat but about a quarter of what I got Saturday. The amount of grease and fat just made me sick to my stomach...which made me sad because I LOVE those things. Then I decided to just shoot the rest of my ranch dressing (which in the past was not a problem at all) and I almost puked.

So, even if I've gone these three weeks and not lost any weight...I've definitely made some big changes and there has definitely been progress. It's still not easy...and I'm sure it won't be any easier in 3 more weeks...but I can't wait to see how far I've come in 3 more weeks. :)

Thursday, August 11, 2011


This week has been pretty rough.

Which makes me emotional.

Which makes me want to eat.

I was so tired and emotionally and mentally drained yesterday that I couldn't even begin to think about wanting to cook. The thought of cooking made me want to beat baby bunnies. So yeah. We got a to go order from a place here. Chicken tenders and french fries and texas toast. I couldn't finish it, and I felt bad for eating it. Then tonight I made beef tacos using eye of round steaks with whole wheat tortillas. We had rice with corn and tomatoes for a side. Not exactly a balanced meal, but not too bad I guess.

I feel myself coming to that point where I'm ready to give up. We're almost at the end of week 3. Though we haven't started our program yet, we have made so many changes. And it's not that I want bad food...I'm just sort of tired of cooking. Ok, I'm REALLY tired of cooking.

I've been making dinner and taking the left overs and portioning out our meals so we can just pop them in the microwave later, but then I get tired of eating the same thing.

I think I just need to whine and kick my feet and cry and get it all out.

Any suggestions?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

FoodLovers Fat Loss

It's no secret that I love food. None. I don't hide it. Ever. I love food. I love different flavors. I love salty. I love savory. I love sweet. I love sour. I love to love food. I love trying different places. I love trying different genres. I love food. I love it. I do. Get the point?

Low calorie, calorie counting, point counting diets don't work for me. I do good for about 3-4 days then I start to feel the walls closing in. I started breathing heavily and feel trapped...the sweats...the chills...the shakes...I need...a burger! And I eat one...then I'll have one the next day and maybe the next day, and I've ruined my "diet".

I also tried making "lifestyle" changes several times. I think the problem was that I changed too much too fast. I went from someone who ate what they want and was decently sedentary to someone who ate hardly anything and exercised 4 times a week. It may have worked for you, but it didn't for me. It takes two weeks to develop a habit...and I was always overwhelmed after a few days. In a controlled environment like The Biggest Loser, maybe you CAN change all at once...but I couldn't.

I always thought there was something wrong with me...

About 2 weeks ago, I was watching Food Network while the infomercials were still on. There was an infomercial on for The Food Lovers Fat Loss System. Normally I don't even pay attention to weight loss programs, but this one caught my eye. It claimed that you could still eat the things you love, you just have to do them in the right proportions to everything else. I was timid about it at first, but I did about an hours worth of internet research and found some great reviews on it.

As soon as I get my scales in, we are going to start this program. There's no gimmick, it's all about balancing fast carbs, slow carbs, and protein. I'm SO excited to maybe have finally found something that will REALLY work for me!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


One thing that has given me hope while reading Stephanie's blog is that she lost 90 pounds in a year without ever stepping foot in a gym.

In the past, "losing weight" meant a combination of dieting and exercise that I had never done before. It was major change all at once. It was all or nothing. Go big or go home. So...more often than not, I ended up going home. It was too much for me to change those two large areas of my life all at once. I just couldn't handle it. It's enough to know that you are on a journey to do a complete remodel of be losing your identity...but changing everything you know was a pretty big hit.

I'm not giving myself an excuse to not go to the gym. My dad just bought me and my husband a membership and I fully plan to use it, but it's nice to know that I DON'T have to change everything all at once. It's nice to know that those people that tell me that DON'T know everything like they think they do. It's nice to know that I'm NOT the failure that I thought I was because it was too much for me.

It gives me hope.

My cheatin' belly...

So. I had my breakfast this morning...1 cup of banana nut Cheerios with 1 cup of 2% milk and 1 carton of yogurt and a glass of milk. Milk is my non-negotiable. You can have my right arm before you take my milk away. If left to my own devices...I can drink a gallon in a day, but since we started eating real food, I only drink maybe 20 oz tops. If you think I shouldn't be drinking it, that's fine. You can tell me, but I won't listen. Milk is in my veeeeins!

Lunch was a small piece of pork loin, mashed sweet potatoes, apple stuffing, and green grapes with water. Yummy!

Supper was going to be left over spaghetti made with whole wheat noodles and green beans. But then....I was watching Iron Chef...and he was making...sushi. Oh man that started the craving train. We don't have a Japanese place here that does sushi, but we do have a Chinese buffet that has a small selection of what I like to call "make-do sushi." I gave in to the temptation and decided that tonight would be our cheat night.

I had:

2 small fake fried crab sticks
steamed rice with soy sauce
honey chicken (fried)
4 pieces of sushi
1 cup of egg drop soup

I felt like the dirty mistress when I left. I felt greasy and tired. It sure was good, though. We also gave ourselves a one plate limit.

Now...I believe in a cheat about once a week for a few reasons.

1. If I'm told I can't have it, I'm going to want it 100x more.
2. It gives me a break from cooking 7 nights a week.
3. It reminds me that I don't WANT to do that all the time anymore.

So, I will continue to have my cheat nights as long as I don't go overboard. I figured out that the pork loin meal we had came down to $2.42 per person per meal, and it fed us each 3 times! That's 6 meals for only $2.42!! That's motivation enough to stay in and cook. Now if I can only get the hubby in the kitchen more than one night a week...

Something kinda cool happened today. I was at work talking to the morning girls and told them what we had for supper last night...Rosemary Pork loin; stuffing made with a box mix and then added wheat bread, apples, and apple sauce; strawberries and grapes, and mashed sweet potatoes. Dorothy looks at me and says, "DANG! And where is our invitation?!" I giggled a little. It's just real food. It's real good real food, and it's so easy. Why haven't I been doing this all along?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

It's Time to Face the Music

A friend of mine sent me a link to a Facebook Page and to a website today. I was off work this morning and had the time to go browse, so I did. I've only gotten through her first two posts (I started at the beginning) and I will forever be a follower of her. The way she wrote was exactly what I feel...what I've always felt and even what I'm feeling right now. There's nothing I can add to what she wrote. So for tonight, I'd love for you to go read her very first post. Enjoy.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

An out of control heart

Earlier this week, Wednesday to be exact, my heart start skipping beats insanely that morning. I used to have this issue and this particular moment, it was really bad. I freaked out, which only made it worse. Finally about 10 am, it calmed down and got back to normal...but it's been doing it off and on since then. Usually it's worse when I'm stressed. Bah.

I cheated twice this week, and I regretted it afterwords. Like...totally and completely regretted it. I think one cheat a week is ok...but the second was done so that we didn't have to fix supper and there just weren't great eating options....I could have fixed that by having a slow carb later, I suppose. This is a learning process.

I can't WAIT to get our food plan in so we can really get started. We've spent the week eating balanced meals, this week I'm going to work on lowering our portions a little bit. I'm having a problem eating breakfast. I used to only eat breakfast on the weekends, and it was always something very breakfasty. Now I'm trying to force down eggs and grapenuts. I got some Dollar General cheerios the other day and they were mega nasty. I put Splenda on them and they had SOME flavor. On the program, I'll be able to eat like a couple of little sausage links, eggs, and fruit...which I could do. My ears and sinuses have been all wonky for a long time so my taste buds are a little dull. It takes something really flavorful for me to be able to taste it.

Please pray that my heart stays normal. :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


I'm not going to beat around the bush here.

I'm hungry.

I had breakfast, and I'm hungry. Heck, I even had a snack. And. I'm. Hungry. I want my lunch, and I want it now. But lunch isn't for another hour and fifteen minutes at least.

Here's the thing...normally my food intake goes: lunch, supper, snack. I didn't really get hungry then. Now, though? I'm hungry. I guess I'll just assume it's my metabolism waking up and actually doing it's job.

You mean that there could be fat melting away right now? Awesome.

We're going to work out this afternoon. It will be the first time since some time last summer that I've worked out in a gym. Am I scared? A little. This shirt is shorter than my liking and I really don't want my belly hanging out.

P.S. - I got on the scale last night and almost walked out in to the traffic to play. Encouraging, right? That's ok...I didn't and I'm still here.

Are we really ever shocked by our weight? When I stepped on the scales, it was about 10% shock, 60% shame, and 30% extreme sadness. How does someone let this happen to themselves? Maybe one day I'll feel comfortable divulging my starting weight...but it ain't today, kid.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Big Girl...whatcha gone do?

I've been a big girl since the day I was born. Well, no...that's not true. I was 2 weeks premature and tiny...but at some point I became a big girl and stayed that way. Being the fat kid becomes who you are, and I think at some point I embraced it. It's kind of like constantly telling a kid they're bad...even if they aren't bad, they WILL take on that identity. And truth be told, all those times when I was growing up that I was called fat, I wasn't fat. But it's what people chose to see about me, so I embraced it. My whole life and personality are based around being the fat girl. Now present day...yeah, you could put me in that category.

A while back I posted a status on Facebook about how losing weight wasn't JUST losing weight, it's losing my identity. So many people couldn't understand what I was talking about and, for them, that is great. I hope nobody ever has to understand that. However, it's true. If my whole life and personality is based around being the fat girl...what is it going to be like to not be the fat girl anymore? All of the excuses that are made because of being fat are thrown out of the window and you are faced with a world that you never thought you'd be faced with.

I don't go to bars/clubs, large gatherings, concerts, movies, travel, theme parks all because of my weight. There is so much I have given up because I was ashamed of who I was...but it was ok because I could hide behind that. I could be the fat girl who doesn't do anything. So, when I reach the point that I'm not "fat" anymore, all of the sudden I have to face all of these things (as trivial as they may be). But it's not just the social many over weight people don't follow their dreams because of their weight, so many people don't try to find love because of their weight. And until you've been in the spot, you have NO idea.

So, first and foremost...if you want to read this blog, then I need you to let go of all prejudices and ideas you already have about fat people. I may be fat, but I'm still a person. I still have a beating heart and I still have emotions and wants and needs like all the skinny people. I need and deserve just as much respect as the hottest girl you can think of. You are welcome to leave encouraging words, but negativity will be deleted. I am my own negativity, so I don't need yours. :)

I do welcome you to join me on this journey as I find my way in to a healthy way of living and burst out of the cocoon that I've lived in for so long. I have wings, and I want to spread them.